What guilty pleasures do you indulge in when you pole dance? I have definitely done all of these…
Classic Pole Cheese
So many polers I know would assert that they never dance to some of these classic pole tunes, but I think when they are alone in their homes or pole studios the temptation is just too much and on they come! You can’t help but grind away to these songs, no matter how ‘over played’ they might be considered.
Rock out to this tunes, don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone…
Ok, most polers say they want pole to gain mainstream acceptance, but so many of these polers also started pole because of its edgy, taboo nature. Shocking your granny and getting disapproving looks from your uptight colleagues may be annoying, but it also taps into a little teenage rebellion too! Although you may be loathed to admit it, everyone takes a little guilty pleasure in shocking the ‘muggle folk’ with their pole dancing ecscapades.
(I should also add calling non-polers ‘muggles’ to this list because I love doing that too).
Bragging About Our Pole Kisses
We love to complain about our bruises, pole burn and callouses, but we all secretly love them. I even post collages of my bruises on Instagram if I’ve had a particularly tough training period (don’t try and say you don’t take photos of yours!).
I know we are meant to want them to go away, but once your bruises start clearing up it is actually a little sad. You’ll soon find yourself wondering when your next pole bruise will appear.
Twerking 24/7 🍑🍑🍑
I don’t care if you are the most artistic of lyrical pole dancers, sometimes you’ve just got to twerk it out. Shaking your booty is a spiritual act of glorious bad-assery. Twerk it up the pole, twerk it whilst standing on your head, twerk it whilst in the splits – whatever you do, just twerk.
I also don’t care if the rest of the world rolls their eyes or mumbles about Miles Cyrus (who didn’t ‘invent’ twerking by the way, educate yo’ self). I love every twerk from the ratchet to the Russian, I’ll watch them all! I’ll twerk to rap and I’ll twerk to metal, there’s no genre of music that us pole dancers can’t shake our asses to.
Just like twerking we secretly love to do these wherever we go. We’ll do them in the grocery shop, on the queue at the bank, whilst making dinner… wherever we are you can spot us popping our booty. Judge us all you like but once you pop you just can’t stop!
Based on the last two points, pole dancers are clearly a little bit obsessed with ass. The moment Sunday rolls around we are all enthusiastically posting our butt selfies. In the ‘real world’ this kind of behaviour is frowned upon as ‘narcissistic’ or ‘vain’ (yawn!), but we’re all too busy complimenting each other’s peachy behinds to care. Definitely a guilty pleasure that we shouldn’t feel guilty about!
Does one person realistically need ten+ pairs of pole dancing shoes? Probably not, but they come in some many amazing styles! And then when you find a style you love you just have to buy a pair in every colour, duh.
You may need to hide your Pleaser addiction from your family and friends, but don’t worry, you have a whole community of likeminded heel obsessives to talk to. Just don’t think we will try to make you stop, we are excellent ‘enablers’ and we will only encourage you more!
There is a simple mathematical equation at work when pole dancers go out to party… The number of split drops performed is directly proportional to the number of drink consumed. See below for a handy graph.
If you take a pole dancer on a night out be prepared for us to show off our flexibility skills. And if there is a pole in the club, oh yes we will be up there like a shot.
To be honest, I don’t even need to drink on a night out to bring out the flexibility poses. I’ve had plenty of totally sober photo opportunities that require a drop split #sorrynotsorry. As Toni ‘Misty’ Mansell said to me recently, “if you don’t have a photo of you doing the splits by the pool, did you even go on holiday at all?”
Floor F*ckery… AGAIN
You have gone to the studio promising yourself that this time you will work on your tricks. Whatever you do you are NOT going to just end up rolling around and floor f*cking until your session is over. You’re walking into the studio… ‘I’ll just do 10 minutes floor work to warm up’ and BAM 2 hours laters and you haven’t even touched the pole. We all do this… Yes, it is a little bit naughty but it also feels soooo good!
Every pole dancer has their favourite moves, combos and transitions – things that feel just so right for their body. It is easy to fall into these comfortable movement patterns. Maybe we should feel guilty for not challenging ourselves to try new things, but who gives a rat’s ass if you bang out yet another jade split, they always look awesome!
Relentless Photo Bombing
Someone is taking a photograph or video during class or practice and the uncontrollable urge to jump into frame and shake your butt, or pretend to be a dinosaur, overcomes you. I totally sympathise, it is just too much fun and everyone thinks it is hilarious anyway, so why stop now?
What are you pole dance guilty pleasures?
Leave them in the comments below! Remember to share this post with your fellow twerkers, photo bombers and floor f*ckers.