Sometimes I am having an ordinary day doing ordinary things. I am listening to a radio play, or reading, or driving in my car. There’s nothing particularly interesting or unusual about this day. The clouds are drifting lazily, and my breaths pass in and out of my lungs in just the same way that they always do.
But I stop… Something nudging me. Pressing its weight upon me. “You are going to die.” You will no longer exist. You will die and you won’t be here, and who knows what happens then, but you don’t think it’s very much.
This dread. This deep, brooding dread. This overwhelming awareness of my own mortality.
I am going to die.
I will no longer exist.
I will die and then I won’t be here anymore. Who knows what happens next, but I don’t think it’s very much.
YOLO… A stupid phrase encouraging stupid teenagers to do stupid sh*t. But, you know what is really stupid? Spending this one life hating yourself. Spending this one life hating your body, your face, your smile, your hair, your everything.
They ask me…
“Peach, why are you so confident?”
“Peach, how can I love myself?”
“Peach, teach me how to be like you?”
Those clouds will drift and those breaths will pass. This time will slip away regardless of whether I love myself or hate myself. That is why I am confident, because I don’t have time not to be. This is why I love myself, because I can’t afford not to. It’s not because I’m perfect, it’s because I haven’t got the energy or the resources to think about how I’m not. Your time is a finite resource, your love is not.
How are you going to spend your time? When you’re not eating or sleeping or sh*tting or f*cking… What are you going to fill your hours with? And I’m not talking about rewarding hobbies, and fulfilling career choices, and building strong relationships.
How are you going to fill those hours where it is just you and you? With worry? With critical analysis of every line and wrinkle and lump on your flesh? Are you an academic of your own endless flaws? Dedicating your doctorate thesis to what a monumental f*ck up you are…? No one’s going to give you a mortar board and certificate for being an expert in self-hatred.
Are you going to sit there, conveniently ignoring the use by date until it is too late to enjoy this body in which you reside? Are you going to spit venom at the mirror? Are you going to keep a roll-call of all the reasons to hate yourself?
Or… are you going to dig deep into that infinite resource of love? Fill these hours with joy and reasons to like yourself, and y’know, maybe even love yourself a little. Making a hobby out of embracing yourself, making fulfilling personal development choices, and building a strong relationship with the most important person in your life… YOU!
‘Cause remember… Those clouds will just keep drifting, and those breaths will just keep passing. This time will slip away regardless of whether you love yourself or hate yourself. You don’t have the time to not be confident. You can’t afford to not love yourself. So, make sure you do what you can to begin building your self-love and self-esteem. It’s a journey, but it’s better to be in your seat and on your way, than waiting on the platform watching the trains pass you by.
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